My mom's done a lot for me,sent me to all the right classes.But i always stopped halfway,EACH AND EVERYTIME!,and i'm pretty sure i've disappointed her like a zillion times.I bet she always wonders what might have been.......if i had completed those courses,not shied away everytime someone asked me to sing in front of a bunch of oldies (that terrified me!)and not allowed some other kid to take away the limelight and had wanted to become a doctor rather than an engineer....
It always brought a smile to her face whenever i played my guitar,whatever little i knew ...she paid so much and i think she deserves better.
Yesterday was just like any other day except when i decided to take out my guitar and play some songs...n i always practise with the same set of chords ...well she need not know that ... anyway she then asked me if i ever practised the lead of some of the songs that sir had taught me and that was enough for me to snap at her...
Pissed and guilty i went to my room and i thought about what she's done for me ,and i see or rather make up a future(for i'm really good at that,and my dream today was so awesome......there are these zombies or these infected ppl and my family turns into them....im like 14 ,,....and as usual im the hero of the story,,,i kill others and try to find out a way to reverse the process of zombification ...anyway im back with my sane family,4 years later but its like a place hidden from the infected.We have schools there,and there's this group of ppl or rather army...that recruits youngsters like us........yeah my dreams are weird...and this must be a mixture of terminator and resident evil....hee hee)....
Ahem,back to whatever i was writing.Ah the future, i see a proud mother and blah blah and i say to myself ...i'm gonna do something about whatever talent i have ..make somethin of myself and with all this pep talk i practice my guitar
But I'm not convinced ...........u see, i might say a lot of things ,but i dont do them .i leave things in the middle if it doesn't work out or if it messes up my tv schedule .... and so i don't trust myself with anything i think in my head.Then i remind myself -ONE DAY AT A TIME.I do believe in living life this way .....but its hard .
I've always admired the girls of my age who know what they want and then diligently working towards it.Its really frustrating when u've got all these thoughts in your head....and its only you there....i mean yeah you can always talk to people ,let it all out ,but there's no guarantee they'd understand at all or think its no big deal or just not have time to listen....
Anyway on that happy thought ,i'l go back to sulking.Sry for jumping from one topic to another
PS.I saw this cute guy today ,and damnit i didn't smile at him.well its not like i would have really ,but then i had this pissed off look on my face caused by my messing up the riding session of my mom's Pleasure leading to growling and screaming on the road...yeah pretty good day....and my bro's getting on my nerves ..can i write so much on post scripts?????
First!!!!!(feels good to be jobless and free)
ReplyDeletewhat i feel is no one can fulfil thier parents wishes completly but the whole thought of giving it a try i what matters xD.
cute guy+angry stare????O_o
why not?if its gossip i don mind reading a whole post made up of PS
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ReplyDeletewow! as i was reading ur post i realized how much i can relate to your problems... ESPECIALLY the "leaving things unfinished" part. but i like that you resort to "one day at a time" funda. since when have things worked the way we want them to? even when the pure intention behind doing some of the things is pleasing your mom. we can take some consolation from the fact that no matter what we do we'll always know in our hearts that our moms have done much much more for us. :) [sob... sniff... do u have a tissue Liz... :) :D]
ReplyDeleteReminds me of my childhood when I stopped Piano classes....sigh! And am still regretting that
ReplyDeleteLol, you can write all you want in post scripts! What are they for otherwise!
ReplyDeleteRelax and take it easy. It's a wonderful feeling to live one day at a time.
But, but, maybe, you should have paid more attention to the lessons.
Want to go back and do it again?
Do it right this time?
:) Good luck! Hugs!
@djd...i thought ur exams ended on 11th...i kno that....but i can't shake off that feeling...n that's not gossip :P
ReplyDelete@maddy...why u sad :P
@Jon...yeah..i don't wanna regret later....that's the thing...ive heard so many ppl regretting their decisions..n i dont wanna be one of them
@Bald Guy.....hey its not that easy to pay attention when you are a kid to some boring lessons....you know how's its like when you're a kid
I love this post!
ReplyDelete@disguise..merci merci :)
ReplyDelete