Saturday, October 31, 2009
Self evaluation is a very tiring job
For two months i haven't touched my computer...and in these two months ive kinda changed a lot....n i know for sure that this time its for the better.

We all know life's full of ups and downs.Small things can bother me a lot.I start thinking of a thing that might not need so much attention and then unknowingly blow it out of proportions.Worry ,Worry ,Worry -that's what i do and i can never seem to get out of that irritating state of mind.It's so unstable that i need someone to tell me that what i'm thinking and feeling is right.I don't seem to trust myself.God, it pisses me off!

And i can't handle confident people-they intimidate me.You must think i'm a wuss.Don't worry i'm with ya....

There are people who come into your life once in a while who seem like any other person you've met....but what you u don't guess is what impact they can have on your life.Well one such person just happened to come one day and change my feelings by merely telling me that she expected great things from me.And i thought to myself....why do i keep feeding that shit to my head when clearly i'm capable of a lot more .I might not be like my brother,i might certainly not be like that girl in my class who makes me so mad (though i admire her confidence),but i can be the girl i know i am .I'm not a wuss!

Life can be so unreal sometimes....with its maddening way to hurt and confuse you and equally surprising gifts to pacify you that it makes this whole journey all the more pleasant.....

There's still some doubt .....i know i can revert back to the old thinking ..but until then i hope i can do some damage....:D

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posted by LITTLE ON THE EDGE @ 4:41 AM   5 Yawns
Sunday, September 27, 2009
My best week till now!
This week’s been AWESOME!!!!

Our college hosted the IGNITE fest which had about a dozen competitions going for three days that were all fun and well, an eye-opener for me. There’s so much talent and my GOD ,I have never thought of Dumb Charades as such a complex game before!

Anyway, I had to make a friend of mine to promise to drag me and make me register at least for one event lest I back down at the last minute. And well she made sure I did just that. I gave my name for DC and bluffmaster , a first for me in both the cases. DC was actually a last minute decision. The same friend and I decided to make a team and go for it. Turned out we sucked at it. But it also brought us a little more closer considering the revelation that we both don’t know anything of pretty much everything.(Okay ,maybe I’m exaggerating there a little bit ,but its close enough to the truth ).Plus it also gave me an opportunity to defy THE EVIL AND OBNOXIOUS BABY (she’s still a pain in my ass) and go to a senior’s room and actually stay there for hours in the forbidden building (or atleast forbidden to me).Ha Ha ,IN YOUR FACE BABY darling!

I improved at DC alright .But it wasn’t good enough coz we looked like total idiots on the stage(which isn’t a first for me btw. I’ve had my moments ).But on a more cheerful thought I’d be happy to tell you I didn’t screw up bluffmaster .Well yeah, i didn’t get selected in either (I’d be a fool to wish that since a few of them including my uncle were too good!).All in all it was a good day for me ,that day. Got to bunk class! Got to see a lot of crazy stuff and the spirit of the contestants was enticing .

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posted by LITTLE ON THE EDGE @ 5:20 AM   8 Yawns
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I'm in the mood to kill!
RAGGING? What is ragging? According to the oxford dictionary it means teasing.Sounds harmless. But, oh no,in today's times its become a major issue with all those guys getting beaten up for no fault of theirs.

Why do seniors have to rag juniors?What can they possibly get by "teasing" harmless newcomers?Is it to appease their vanity?What makes them so special?Don't tell me all this attitude is because they joined the college before we did. So what? That's hardly anything to hold against us!

I didn't know ragging could be so scary,if i hadn't been travelling in 47 yesterday all set to go home wishing earnestly that we would be safe in a bus full of seniors.And guess what,my prayers weren't heard.For my friend got ragged because he was misunderstood to have shown attitude to the seniors .The senior was a very irritating 4th year who practically screamed into out ears whenever he opened his horrible mouth .Heard he's all talk and the fact that my friend was actually the son of a police officer.Nice!After worrying for almost throughout the journey i come to know all this !And that stupid moron of a senior had the audacity to tell me to chill because it was none of my business!The hell with him! Who did he think he was?That stupid squeaking mouse!

Anyway the matter was settled .He was all talk afterall.Crazy person!

P.S Im getting used to the hostel just after one week of staying there which has surprised me a lot

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posted by LITTLE ON THE EDGE @ 10:20 PM   7 Yawns
Friday, August 21, 2009
A new journey
And so i managed to make some time for my blog...finally!....(phew).The past few or should i say just 3 days had almost left me half dead.My college had BEGUN!

During my vacation i never really paused to think how it would be.I had always seen my brother coming home and lying on the bed unable to move ,but i never really thought any of it.As my days of freedom were nearing the end ,i couldn't help look forward to the day when i'd start going to college and studying all these things that i had seen so called professionals today study .I was so excited that i was going to be one of them soon.It couldn't be so bad.So many people do it.

And so there i was on my first day to college and boy, was i in for a huge surprise.
My body ached.My head threathened to fall off thanks to the roads.Weren't they just beautiful!I was filled with awe and nausea.

Classes started with a big bang! DIFFRENTIATE THIS ! and INTEGRATE THAT !....what is sinAcosB....etc etc...shooting out every minute.It might sound as if this is nothing but trust me after almost three months of no diffrentiation and integration how in the world could one possibly answer such horrifying questions. As usual i went into a depression mode but thank God,only for sometime.

My day couldn't have been better!

Right now i can only hope for better days and try to take things one day at a time

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posted by LITTLE ON THE EDGE @ 6:32 AM   6 Yawns
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Why do mothers do that?
So here’s how the conversation goes

Me and my bro are discussing about where he got the huge samosas from. Mom enters the room and starts ,

“Jesse’s phone call has had my head boiling”(translated fron Konkani)

I roll my eyes .Here we go again.

“I can’t believe i didn’t realize it before. My daughter IS stupid. I should have seen the signs. First she goes off and takes up electronics and now she says she wants to do biotech! If i had known before i would have stopped you.....n blah blah blah.”

My mind goes into hyperactive mode as always.

I imagine myself slapping her so called best friend screaming “DIE...DIE ...DIE”.

Who cares if some of them didn’t make it. Doesn’t mean i won’t .

As my mom keeps blabbering on ,with the look on her face as if i’m close to death, i look at my brother for help,for some words to make her stop her emotional outburst .It always gives me headaches .That good- for-nothing monkey just shrugs and continues eating his damned samosa.

I continue screaming silently ,slowly losing my mind because i have nothing to prove her wrong .I sit there watching her scream and pity my fate .

Why do mothers do that?

It’s quite demeaning and insulting sometimes.

Why don’t they just trust their kids ?They worry , i know.But still ,what’s done is done.Let go.

I leave her in the kitchen screaming and go outside calming myself with the thought of my new mobile .

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posted by LITTLE ON THE EDGE @ 12:47 AM   8 Yawns
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Flashback memory
I remember my early days of childhood -me and my flat-mates used to gather outside the building on the very first day it rained and get drenched while dancing and singing the latest hindi numbers. It was like a ritual we used to follow every year for reasons unknown .But then as we grew up we sort of grew out of that habit .Even me, after a few years of dancing alone with my mom standing a few feet away couldn’t see any more fun in it.
Sometimes i wonder whether coming here was a mistake , whether i would have been happy there ,how would my life had turned out if i had stayed back? Am i more happier here than when i had been there ? and some more questions that eat at the back of my head often .Now when i think of my life back then , compared to the present me, i feel i was a completely clueless stranger there. Even though it was the place i spent my first seven years in, where i knew people but who didn’t feel like family. I did have friends , well an appropriate word to describe me would have been a ‘snob’. Funny how people change .Right now if anyone ever asks me whether i prefer this place or that, i wouldn’t hesitate to answer the most obvious one.
This place has taught me a lot....made me question and think about things ,exposed me to rock music and callousness and the bitching behaviour of girls all through high school, to depression and later the struggle of overcoming it and not losing my sanity.So I’d say I’ve been through a hell of a lot of things that i wouldn’t have if i had been back there and I’m pretty sure there’s more to come.

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posted by LITTLE ON THE EDGE @ 12:11 AM   2 Yawns
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Admission ..more like a death sentence
Yesterday I went to get an admission in the college I'll be studying in for the next 4 yrs.The day was well planned by my mom.Well mostly because i didn't seem to give a damn and quite frankly yes I, as usual ,was expecting my mom to do everything since the job at hand required me to get off my arse.And as usual things didn't go according to plan .I hadn't bothered to ask what papers were really needed and my OH SO AWESOME brother (sarcastically , ofcourse) who's studying in the same college ,has a habit of eating half of the info before telling us anything. And so it turned out i needed more papers and well my blood group too!...which was all the more reason for us to fear whether our heads , well, actually my bro's head was gonna stick to his body or if he'd lose it, courtesy mom.
Well coming back to the task at hand ,my mom never tried to find out my blood group when i was a baby (well i think that would have been less painful because then i wont be remembering any of it). But now , at this age ,i wouldnt have even dreamed of going near the hospitals with that weird odour, let alone a needle!......
And so there i was with my one hand stretched out while my other hand over my eyes closed tightly ,as my mom warned me against screaming or crying hysterically because my days as a kid were over .And so all i did when the fat man pierced the needle through my skin was think "I can bear this " repeatedly trying hard to concentrate on something else and guess what , i didn't hurt at all , just a slight pricking sensation that's all and i'm sure that this doesnt sound like a big thing, i mean many people do it.Well after opening my eyes to discover the huge amount of blood (well it looked like that for me) the fat man took from me and since this was the day i was gonna know my blood group i'd say i did a pretty swell job of not running like a lunatic ,out of the place.It might look like i'm hyping this incident, but for some reason i felt that by knowing my blood group i might finally understand who or what i really am.Just a stupid thought ,coz apparently i didn't .

Well everything put aside , we finally managed to reach the college on time and get my admission

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posted by LITTLE ON THE EDGE @ 3:52 AM   8 Yawns
About Me


Name: LITTLE ON THE EDGE
Home: Mangalore, Karnataka, India
About Me: Im ur average girl next door ,most often confused about things ,easy to please and not very welcoming when it comes to change of any kind
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