Friday, February 12, 2010

Afraid of falling down

Its evening.There's cool breeze outside.It just feel so pleasant.And i like a nutcase am cooped up in my room and online(mom doesn't know...hee hee)

I dont know what this obsession is sit indoors and do absolutely nothing of value.

You know i love these times,when it's quiet ,without anyone bickering,gives you ample time to think .And think about nothing in particular,just about the thousand things u seem to learn and forget everyday only to be reminded some other day.

I trust people easily.I can't do that thing where you seem to be bitching about some one in your head and keep a straight and smiling face at the same time.Sure sometimes its easy.But i've noticed evil entities(according to my definition)can do so with ease and its kind of sickening .Well right now this seems like a vague and not well thought of thought .Just something that was running in my mind due to a small event that happened yesterday.Nothing big.Just was a reminder that i dont know anything .People you think who are nice and well "paap" just turn out to be ,well ,nothing like you thought they could.People you thought you had a clear picture of, even if a bit vague,could turn out to be the exact oppposite of it at the oddest times possible forcing you to wonder why you didn't feel it before.

I've learnt that it really doesn't matter.Though the question continually haunts me.It's just that,is that all?Is that all i can experience when im 18?Is the rest of my life going to be full of THIS ?

I like asking such questions ,but i never seem to get an answer that really satisfies me.Surely life must be more that this.Everyone's ultimate goal in life is contentment.I don't know what i want at this moment.Too confused;a bundle of nerves .There are competions going to be held this semester,and honestly speaking im terrified thinking about something i've never done before.Will i have to have courage to go ahead and try out something i've never done in my life and have no clue whatsoever about where to start.My brother says it's all about learning ,I agree.But im scared shitless.

Do i have the courage to take part and do something completely out of my comfort zone and be glad to make a fool of myself?Honestly,that's what i'm afraid of afterall.Turn out to be completely oppposite to him.Which i am,no doubt about it.

I wanna  learn.Is it too late to learn???Mom says so.

Just afraid of falling down and hurt myself badly.

I hate it when i make excuses.

Luckily i've found the the rightness of trusting my intuitions coz something or the other seems to go wrong if i don't .


  1. well... i think it's not such a bad thing to fall once in while. eventually you'll have to get up and u get to learn so much in the process. when you want to try out something new you know there's a chance of falling. it shouldn't daunt you though. it's a lot worse when you fall with the fear of falling. then you start regretting ever taking that step that led to your fall.
    ok... i've blabbed enough. i hope you get my point n go ahead and take part in whatever you like. all the best!

  2. Liza its really tough to have a macho bro,people tend to see you in that way and expect you to be a macho.
    But what i would say stop trying to be your brother.If you are totally opposite to him so be it.There will still be loads of things you will be good at.Never ever i repeat never ever ever change your self coz others want you to.If you are different be proud of it and be confident coz confidence is always the beginning and the moment people see you confident they get scared.Its ok to be scared of losing every one is but don run away from failure coz as your brother told you learn a lot more by losing than by winning.
    Sorry if iam too senti here :P

  3. well u know i'm one of those people! the kind who acts "paap" but is completely evil-minded...buhahahaha :P

  4. @MADDY.....hey !i's all about that isn't it?you try,u fall down,u get up once again.But it isn't easy is it?What with talented ppl all around me!

    @djd...ur such a darling,u know that?yeah well ive experienced ppl looking at me like that all right.N i have to keep reminding myself.N i always think ,let him get out ..its so disconcerting at year will be alright....but i always do that...put it off for next different alright...but sometimes i confuse learning something new with trying to be like
    him....too confusing at times

    @blunt edges...i would love to be evil...well i am in a way....but not the kind when ppl pretend to be somethin and do something else behind ur back.....maybe i got the definition wrong ,eh?

  5. *blush* i have an experience of ppl changing their opinion bout me once they get to know me :D.
    Just trying giving out a strong vibe that you aint Kenneth you are Liza.Just remember you are still in your 1st year(The innocent hell of engineering)but Ken is in his 4th.You still have a lot of conquests.Best of luck :P
    And yes iam jobless following blogs and comments is the only thing that interests me nowadays.
    For now peace

  6. @djd..we'll see......n yeah ..that's why i said im scared shitless:)