Friday, February 12, 2010
Afraid of falling down
Its evening.There's cool breeze outside.It just feel so pleasant.And i like a nutcase am cooped up in my room and online(mom doesn't know...hee hee)
I dont know what this obsession is ......to sit indoors and do absolutely nothing of value.
You know i love these times,when it's quiet ,without anyone bickering,gives you ample time to think .And think about nothing in particular,just about the thousand things u seem to learn and forget everyday only to be reminded some other day.
I trust people easily.I can't do that thing where you seem to be bitching about some one in your head and keep a straight and smiling face at the same time.Sure sometimes its easy.But i've noticed evil entities(according to my definition)can do so with ease and its kind of sickening .Well right now this seems like a vague and not well thought of thought .Just something that was running in my mind due to a small event that happened yesterday.Nothing big.Just was a reminder that i dont know anything .People you think who are nice and well "paap" just turn out to be ,well ,nothing like you thought they could.People you thought you had a clear picture of, even if a bit vague,could turn out to be the exact oppposite of it at the oddest times possible forcing you to wonder why you didn't feel it before.
I've learnt that it really doesn't matter.Though the question continually haunts me.It's just that,is that all?Is that all i can experience when im 18?Is the rest of my life going to be full of THIS ?
I like asking such questions ,but i never seem to get an answer that really satisfies me.Surely life must be more that this.Everyone's ultimate goal in life is contentment.I don't know what i want at this moment.Too confused;a bundle of nerves .There are competions going to be held this semester,and honestly speaking im terrified thinking about something i've never done before.Will i have to have courage to go ahead and try out something i've never done in my life and have no clue whatsoever about where to start.My brother says it's all about learning ,I agree.But im scared shitless.
Do i have the courage to take part and do something completely out of my comfort zone and be glad to make a fool of myself?Honestly,that's what i'm afraid of afterall.Turn out to be completely oppposite to him.Which i am,no doubt about it.
I wanna learn.Is it too late to learn???Mom says so.
Just afraid of falling down and hurt myself badly.
I hate it when i make excuses.
Luckily i've found the the rightness of trusting my intuitions coz something or the other seems to go wrong if i don't .