Just like a flower.

Since the past few days , I can’t help but remember the day when I won second place in Western singing :D. It was the best birthday gift, since it also had me beating the coolest girl in high school. Ms. Anna Rego :D.

I remember singing Just like a Flower that magical afternoon. I remember Ms. Pearl, our then Social Studies teacher and one of the judges, smiling approvingly as I sang. I remember asking a fellow contestant if she was nervous , but all she did was give a shrug She seemed so confident that I was sure I wouldn’t be able to go on stage. But I did , and I won.

I remember that day ,because that was the only time , in my high school life that I felt genuinely happy .

As I went up to the microphone , I recall being  scared of the crowd all looking up at me and being scared of my own voice echoing through the room. It was surreal. I was so proud of myself .I had managed to make my presence known and become one of Ms. Pearl’s favourites.

But that wasn’t how it ended. The things I had achieved that afternoon were soon snatched away from me, because I was a coward. The disappointed look on ma’am face was what hurt me the most, I guess. Oh, I’d love to blame her for putting me through hell. But it was all my choice; And I wasn’t aware of it.

What surprised me today was that I wished for that day to repeat itself , so that I could change my hurtful past. I had not realized that that day had actually come to mean a lot to me. My birthday gift.

Anyway let bygones be bygones . Isn’t that what I meant in my last post? I’m moving on.

Just like a flower when winter begins

Just like a candle blown out in the wind

Just like a bat that can no longer fly

I’m feeling that way sometimes.

I feel I’m falling weighed down by a load

I picture a light at the end of the road

I’m closing my eyes ,I can see through the dark

The dream that is in my heart.

A little loving, a little giving ,

To build a dream for the world we’re living

A little patience and understanding

For our tomorrow a little peace.

A little sunshine , a sea of gladness

To wash away all our tears of sadness

A little hoping , a little praying

For our tomorrow ,a little peace.

Grateful.

This year has been everything I'd wished and more.So much more. I get up everyday , sometimes unsure of things, of myself, of all the things the day might bring and I don't let it get to me . If I were me from last year , I would have whined , felt sorry for myself , wallowed in grief convinced that my head was showing me signs that the day would be a disaster. Such was my state.

But now , I get up everyday with a smile.If things go wrong , I know better than to waste my time thinking about it. I have a goal in mind , to reach heights that would make me proud of myself more than anyone else! This year's been charged with energy that seems to be working for my benefit. Opportunities abound . There are lessons to be learnt, people  to be met, their stories to be uncovered, knowledge to be had, information to be hogged on....there's so much out there and so little time. :D

I recently had the chance to meet a wonderfully talented person who's become a great friend of mine. She's portrays qualities that I would very much like to be my own , though she denies being anything that great. Both of us have come to appreciate ourselves , who we are , what we've been through; We agree that life till now has made us who we are and we very well can't stop here ,can we?

You could say that this year has made me wanna be grateful for EVERYTHING. I love what I study! I've never felt that way about my subjects .But I'm so glad I'm one of those lucky ones who would probably get to enjoy her job one day. I have a best friend Fassu who's been there for me through thick and thin and I always wonder how I got so lucky. I absolutely LOVE my mother . Who knew my brain would just click one day , and show me the true meaning of listening , listening to her? I love my freedom in the hostel . I dream of studying abroad and going to places , meeting exciting people and you know what? I'm pretty sure it's gonna happen someday . That's my destiny ;)

I'm grateful and content .

College! Here I come! :D

So a new semester's round the corner and I'm all set with my new wardrobe, excited about a whole new experience that waiting to happen!

I'll be getting back to my old routine but with a new zeal to actually make these days worthwhile.I'm done whining about 'irritating friends' , depressing hostel
with an even more depressing menu, lonely nights and difficult subjects. I'm done looking at someone else and wishing myself to be more like him.
I'm done wasting my time running away.

This time i vow to change things for the better.Hell, I want to make my life worthy to be lived.I might as well get myself a boyfriend  ; )

Wish me luck people!

Stop It, please.

I can't take it anymore!

Your constant bickering ,your cursing, your damaged heart.It's like you've completely forgotten how to enjoy anymore.

I know you're hurt.I know what you go through everyday.But surely that doesn't mean you should give up on yourself.

You've been strong before, and I don't see why you should stop fighting now.Have you forgotten the days when you hung out with your friends and caught up on a movie???Have you forgotten what it felt to be on your two feet and march into the unknown?

Have you forgotten how you loved reading those romantic novels?

Has your life scarred you so much that you feel if you could just hold on and just kept on breathing,it'll be enough to get you by?And that that's all  you'll need to keep us safe?

Have you forgotten how to truly smile?

Have you forgotten how to enjoy laughing?

Have you forgotten that you deserve being loved too?

Have you not realised that your life could be more than this? Do you not understand what Im trying to tell you???

Why cant you read anymore?Why have you reduced yourself to being a victim, such pettty thoughts?

You could turn the whole picture upside down if you wanted...if you thought you still had the strength to .

You could still manage to have your share of fun out of all this. You could still enjoy talking about what you love.

Stop worrying so much.It pisses me off! If you can't use your wits and give eye for an eye ,atleast learn to ignore.

I don't think i can listen to you anymore.Its just so sad, seeing you do the things that you do.....

Why can't you understand that your life is important too?

I just can't take it; you wasting your life like this.

You know, I pray for you everyday.

All i can do is hope that it won't be too late for you.