Thursday, January 21, 2010
Sometimes i go out of the way for someone even though its not needed and when they don't do the same for me ,I feel that im gettign snubbed.Be it a small thing as expecting a friend to wait for and not go off with his/her new friennds.
But then growing up i realised my foolishness.
Back when i was a kid,when i wasnt even living in this town ,i used to revel in bossing over others.I was always telling my so called friends what to do,how to behave,who to talk to and the bad part was they listened.My head bloated up i guess .It was ridiculous
It quite hilarious considering what i'd done and what I've become.My old friends would never recognise me now-and i'm not talking about the looks depatment.
Here i went to an all girls school.They stripped me off of whatever confidence i had left after "THE SHIFT".
I turned into an emotional wreck.A bundle of nerves.Here i started questioning friendship.I came to understand or rather saw the ugly side of girls that i never knew existed till then.I had been naive.I only got through the whole ridiculois thing only because of a few of the girls and i owe my sane-ness to them.
After that catasrophe,i guess i've learnt to think a lot and i never learnt to stop trusting each and every human being.I just got hurt .I changed over the years with the help of my friends .
Anyway back to the question i always try to find an answer to-Am i a good friend?sure i'd try and keep my friends happy ,but sometimes part of me gets irritated .Sometimes i'm asked to do favours ;sometimes i do them ,sometimes i don't .A reason for this might me my laziness considering the favour at hand doesnt really require my doing it .If the job at hand really is a small deal ,and the friend asking me isn't a close one ,I dont do it without complaining in my head.Is it bad to be doing that?is it ok to feel lazy?
I\m ot one of those people who has the first idea to get up and get a present for someone.Or congratulate someone for their achievement.i guess you could call me socially inept.Don't get me wrong.I love my friends,and considering my experience im just happy to have them.But am i taking them for granted?I guess i am,a couple of times
Its always a fluctuating personality with me-once im this,once im that.Not stable ;comletely unsure of how I'd behave in a particular situation and whether i like what i end up doing.U know i decide what to do,and end up doing something else.It like I dont have any control over my mind and it freaks me out.
Well i don't think i really wrote what i set out to .But its ok .I'll deal with this problem later when i can understand it properly to put it in words